Friday, August 26, 2011

Rick Perry and His Leathery Jawline

Rick Perry: Below Average Student, Fevered Egomaniac

It's Bush Part Deuce

Possum's Gulch TX - August 12th, 2011 - Fevered egomaniac Governor Rick Perry (R - Texas), along with his perfect hair and leathery jawline, have officially jumped into the GOoPer Presidential Field, joining fellow below average students Michelle Bachmann, Herman Cain, and Rick Santorum. Perry recently appeared with his hair and jawline in Possum's Gulch, a wealthy Houston suburb, proclaiming his readiness to be the next President of the nation from which he has also, as Governor of Texas, threatened to secede. He then vaguely threatened to kick Fed Chairman Ben Bernanke's ass.

Another faux aw-shuxity moron who pretends to be an average guy, although he is quite wealthy and routinely wears ten thousand dollar Armani pinstripe suits, Perry is now considered by many to have the best chance to unite the redneck uprising known as the Tea Party movement, and the billionaire class for whom the GOoP has always slaved tirelessly. Although some of the Bushies have been lobbying rhetorical bombs at Perry, possibly due their Yankee old-blood roots' disdain for anyone not themselves, it's not hard to see Perry has a poor-man's George Bush: a long serving Texas governor who loves to campaign but hates to govern; a below average student who talks like your boozy old uncle who won't get out of your ear; a fucking moron who screwed over his own state and argues against the few things that helped provide some level of safety to Texas' economy, like stringent lending regulations at the state-level, and federal stimulus spending . . . which he used to balance Texas' $25,000,000,000.00 budget short fall - that's $25 billion.

I mean who better to pick up the rein's of the GOoPers' final march to fascism than the very man who succeeded Bush as Texas governor? I for one embrace our next Right Wing Caligula.

No comments: